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I’ve got sand in my butt!

My wife and I have moved 9 times in the almost 14 years we have been married. Many of those moves had us situated close to or on the beach. My family loves going to the beach. They love everything about it. They love the waves, the sun, the smell of the minty face sunscreen, the sand and more.

I have to be honest though I am in the minority because I do not love the beach. Well, let me clarify that for a second. I would love the beach if it did not have sand there. I guess more like a gigantic walk in pool. Yes that would be perfect.

If you are a family with more than 2 kids than you know that every once in a while you have to make good use of the gas station vacuum. We end up with buckets of goldfish crackers, happy meal toy garbage, pieces of baby fruit snacks, water bottles, and treasures untold stuck on floor and in between the seats. I am perfectly ok with a little garbage, but sand…SAND!! I am not alright with sand.

To me you might as well fill the ocean with glitter because sand gets everywhere. Much like glitter when you sweep it up on the floor or wash it off it comes back when you are not looking. Sand laughs in the face of parents that used to have decent cars. Cars that are now mistaken for a golf course bunker.

Our beach ritual is to have fun, swim and dig. I love to dig HUGE holes. Holes so big that when my kids stand in them you can no longer see their heads. It is such a blast, but all that fun comes with a cost. The cost of course is sand everywhere. In our vehicles, clothes, dry/clean towels, and in every crevice on the human body.

After we announce to the crew it is time to go our kids rinse themselves off and then run back to the dry towels. Do they grab one? Of course not! They procede to dive head first into the sand. We yell “NOO!! GAH!! go rinse off again!” And thus begins the rinse, get dirty, we yell…rinse repeat cycle.

When we finally get home the kids strip down in the yard where we power wash them with the hose.

Gavin (3) exclaims “I’ve got sand in my butt!!”

Kelly replies “I can fix that…turn around” as she hoses him down with the expertise of the NYFD.

I love my family and I honestly do love the beach, but why in the world did it have to have sand!


  1. Darren Darren

    We’ve only been to the beach once as a family of 6, and we actually didn’t get too sandy. Mostly because the beach up in Nova Scotia is pretty rocky, and the kids were far more interested in choosing rocks and wading than in playing in the sand.

    We live a few hours away from the ocean, so our outings tend to be to the local community pool. We go every Sunday evening, and it’s become a nice family tradition for the last 3 or 4 years during the summer.

  2. Mel Watson Mel Watson

    Kelly’s response killed me, “I can fix that…turn around”. I love the sand, if only it would stay where it belongs…which is NOT in butts. Had a good chuckle about cleaning the car. I still have a banana milk stain in my van the size of Texas. Sand is quite the stealthy, gritty, mess-maker. No doubt! Love the Klampert fam!!!

  3. Heather Heather

    Hilarious!! I totally picture Gavin saying that and Kelly’s witty response :) My car already looks like that…I can’t imagine once we have kids…yikes!!

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