How to raise ROCKSTARS!

May 3, 2012 in Uncategorized with 5 Comments

I grew up in a Christian home with two musician parents. My mom was a professional opera singer and my dad was a professional jazz drummer. I had their influence sonically as we listened to an eclectic mix of coltrain, 2nd chapter of acts, phil keaggy, and show tunes. We had music all the time and stuff that “Seemed” to rock. In high school I went through a rap phase and then one day everything changed when I met my youth pastor. His name was bob and at an all night lock-in he handed me a mix tape called “the best of Hendrix”.

It was that exchange that led me to making up lost time learning from my new mentors: Yes, SRV, Blue Oyster Cult, smashing pumpkins, nirvana, clapton and about 900 other amazing artists.

Let’s fast forward a bit: I got married and we had our first kid. We both agreed to make sure that our first born would be inundated with ROCK. I still remember our 3 year old holding a ukelele and a cowboy hat on his head jamming to SRV “pride and joy.
14 years of marriage  and 4 kids later time constraints have made it more complicated to make sure that these kids melt peoples faces off. We want NEED to retire early!

We have been told by other parents that we are an inspiration in the world of raising ROCK-aware kids so I want to make sure that we pass on our wisdom.

Make sure you save this for the future because the info I am including here, which was previously top secret, is very important. Here we go.

1. TAKE STAKE IN THE NUMBER OF KIDS: So you have 1 kid; you need to start out on the right foot by looking at solo artists to emulate. If you have 2 kids that is really nice, but the likelihood of you raising the next Simon & Garfunkel is quite slim. This is why I sugest having a discussion with your spouse about the benefits of having a 3rd child. I have two words for you: CREAM and KING’s X. Then there are the rare few similar to my household who have 4 or more children. This of course is the ideal situation because in the world of rock you have bass, guitar, lead guitar, drummer and vocals all covered.

2. MAKE FACES: Do your kids smile a lot? If they do you need to change that. Rockers make faces. SRV, when he rocked, made sure to express how deeply how he felt about the music by contorting his face in a way that said constipation. Rock = contorted face. Make sure you have videos and images so your children can practice making the “correct” faces.

3. SAY NO TO BARNEY: We made a rule when we first got married that we would not let our kids watch things that annoyed the crap out of us. Barney, Dora and Teletubbies are all EVIL. Sadly this culture has infiltrated the clothing market for our kids. Try shopping Walmart for your kids clothes and you will find all kinds of scary Tees that depict things that do not rock. It may take a bit more time, but your kids NEED ripped jeans, flannel and skulls. Can you have to many skulls? OF COURSE NOT!

4. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE FANS: You are thinking right now: Of course it’s about the fans!, but I am not talking about people who buy tickets. I am talking about an actual fan that you plug in. You need to make sure to get the angle of the fan right on the floor. It sounds simple, but it’s not. Plug it in, angle it up and point towards your rocker kids face. The desired effect is hair flying everywhere.

5. BUILD A STAGE: When we lived in Oregon Tristan, our oldest, was really into SRV and Mute math. He had nailed the faces and it was time that he learn how to work a stage so I built one. I built an 8 foot stage in his room about 6″ off the floor. He learned to work the stage and also learned to only stage dive when there are people there to catch you.

6. J IS FOR FENDER JAGUAR: Barnes & Noble is an amazing store and not just because of the little coffee corner. They have 4 aisles of discounted books. Amazingly enough 4 shelves typically have picture books of ROCK! You could always have reading time with your kids with books like “goodnight moon” and I won’t judge, but that will never get your kid to rock. Sit down with them and read “guitars A to Z”. Your kids need to have an unparalleled understanding of GEAR. If your kid is 2 and they can spot a flying V korina then you are doing your job as a parent. If your kid says “strummy thingy” then you have FAILED!

7. FLUTE PLAYERS GET BEAT UP: ”one time in band camp…” should NEVER come out of your kids mouth. If your son picks clarinet he will never be on the cover of Rolling Stone. Parents choose your kids instruments wisely. Give them options. You can delve into Keytar if they are rockin Flock of Seagulls, but an Oboe is simply unacceptable.

8. HAND GESTURES AND SWEARING: ARE YOU FLIPPIN KIDDING!!! Don’t teach them that! WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!

9. IT GOES TO 11: While I can not recommend showing your kids “this is spinal tap”, you do have a responsibility to teach the principles. An amp can never be loud enough. Drummers may explode. Always make stage props bigger than you need. Spinal tap and Kid Rock both taught us that smaller people make great rockers!

There are of course more steps, but we are still learning. We are trying SO hard to make sure our kids hero’s are not Justin beiber and Nikki Minaj. All joking aside as much as our family truly does love to rock I really want their hero to be Jesus. When my little girl is jamming on a baby guitar and singing at the top of her lungs Daniel Bashta’s song “Like a Lion” I know we are teaching them exactly what they need to truly ROCK!

Shadow doesn’t have to die! Jesus did…

September 27, 2011 in children, Lessons with 0 Comments

Saturday Sept 27th 2011 started as a typical day with bustling kids and crazy antics. We had some cleaning to do because while I try to be a great husband I am a horrible housewife. My kids tried to help, but there were too many things that created frustration. Next thing we know my 10 year exploded with fury. He was on the verge of spontaneous combustion like the drummer in “This is Spinal Tap”, so I sent him out of the room to get his brain working right again. He came back with more angst and this time I gave him my ipad2 with youversion opened to the love chapter and told him to go read it and tell me what it means. He returned and had no clue so I sat down with him and asked him verse by verse if he is showing love to his family or if he is doing what the Word said not to do. The conclusion was eye opening to him that not only does he get mad really easy but he also has no clue how to love in action.

After he apologized to my wife, Kelly, she grabbed him and his 6 year old brother and sat them down to talk with them. She told them that they cannot truly love without God’s help and they need to ask Christ in their hearts. I was ready for a standard salvation speech and what I got was pure genius. Kelly told them that Jesus is our bridge to God and that we need Him. She told them that in the old days people would present animals as sacrifices and that Jesus came to save us and replace that so He would be our bridge and sacrifice. Then she said something that blew them away and their eyes opened in shock and made them listen even more intently.

“Because Jesus came and He is our Bridge we can choose to accept him as our savior and we no longer have to kill our pets.”

Our cat, Shadow, was sitting right there with us and it sank in… they were floored and somehow understood that Christ came so all can live… Even annoying black cats!

It was that day…regardless of the motivation of saving a pet… and regardless of 100% understanding (because God knows I still don’t get it)… My two oldest asked Christ in their hearts with a simple prayer. God is good and I am so glad I have a wife who is so loving to her family. It is amazing that a dark and seemingly horrible day can turn into a joyous day of thanksgiving.

The Peacemaker – Guest post by Heather Kunkel

September 15, 2011 in children, guest post, Lessons with 1 Comment

By way of simple introduction, my name is Heather and I am married to my amazing musician husband. We have four beautiful and spunky children that I care for in our little corner of the universe, nestled in the foothills of the Adirondack Mountains.

With the first week of school under our belts and the second week of classes well underway, I feel like I am already fighting little brush fires and trying to keep them from turning into forest fires. A few days ago my youngest daughter overheard two of the little neighbor girls making plans to play dress-up together later that evening. Before I realized what had even happened, my tender-hearted little cherub was out in front of our house screaming “It’s just not fair—I NEVER played dress-up with Ashayla!”, shaking her fist at the sky and scaring the Skittles out of a little preschooler. Within moments, all three girls were going through a RAPID, vicious cycle of tears, apologies, scrambling for swings, flashing green eyes and trying to upstage one another. In the middle of reminding my four year old to use gentle, healing words instead of hurting words I was reminded of a gentle, healing word that the Lord spoke to me several years ago.

My husband and I were living in one of the most tumultuous times that our union of twelve years has endured so far.  God was preparing us for a dramatic transition in our lives.  During that time we met with opposition in every avenue of our lives: home, work, church, extended family, friends, auto… it all went downhill. Our relationship was tested. One afternoon God spoke to me, “The peace maker is blessed.”

I quickly dismissed what I had heard and thought to myself, “Yes, yes… I remember all those guys who were blessed… the peacemakers are the children of God.”

Without chiding, I felt like God was drawing me back to his word, “I didn’t ask them to keep the peace.”

In the middle of my chaotic day, I pulled out my Bible and sat down to reread the 5th chapter of Matthew. That word, peacemakers, just kept jumping out at me. When I looked up the original Greek definition it read, “a peacemaker bravely declares God’s terms which makes someone whole”.

God’s word spoke to me clearly that our mission isn’t to shush little complaints, it is to bring them to resolution. It isn’t to ignore conflict and hope that it goes away; we are to confront conflict with humility and grace to make peace. In making peace, we are bringing wholeness and healing to those around us, and often to our own lives. Confrontation is often uncomfortable but the peace that it can bring reaps two tangible rewards: restoration to wholeness here on earth and the incredible, undeserved priviledge to be adopted into the kingdom of Christ as a child of God.

As we move forward in the school year, I am encouraging my children to make peace with their classmates and with their siblings. I pray that peace would reside in my home and in the lives of my children and that the oil of unity would flow from my husband and I, down to our children, and into the lives of those that God has called us to bless.

Don’t make me poke your eye out!!

September 1, 2011 in children, Lessons, trips with 2 Comments

We just got back from vacation which of course entailed almost 2 weeks from blogging. We decided to vacate to williamsburg, VA. According to the always accurate mapquest iphone app it was an 11 hour trip. We decided to spread it out over 2 days and thank God we did. Total travel time to VA with traffic was a wonderful 17 hours!

We had the occasional “Are we there yet?” “Where are we!?”

That was something we could handle just fine. We have 4 kids and have been parents for over 10 years now. We have gone cross country twice. This should be a breeze.

It was hour number 1 that our 3 year old Gavin decided to try long distance spitting. Morgan wanted to scream for a “SHOW SHOW SHOW” asking of course for us to play a DVD. Collin during the trip had a straw that he would blow into creating a sound similar to a kid at band camp practicing the clarinet. Tristan was in the middle of all of that and imploded at each of them.

I turned to Kelly and told her “I wish this was like a limo minivan with a soundproof privacy glass”

She laughed because what else could we do. It is impossible to parent from a distance. We were trying to parent and discipline from the front of a 7 seater mini van. I am pretty sure we were about 75 yards from the boys in the back seat.

It was then that genius struck me!

I turned to kelly and the genius came forth “they need to make special nerf guns for parents”

Think about it! Would you buy one?

They wouldn’t hurt.

They might cause a bit of laughter and fix the screaming.

Worst case scenario the parents would be able to vent while pelting the kids in the back of the mini van with tiny squishy nerf darts.

Fire Crows

August 17, 2011 in Uncategorized with 2 Comments

My sister and I are less than two years apart, so growing up on a farm with no other people around, we became playmates. We were allowed to play outside by ourselves as long as we did not go past the barn. My sister has a brilliant imagination and one day thought it would be great to explore the world beyond the barn. It was a rather uninteresting world with a small meadow and thin group of trees, but we had never been over there. My sister started to make up a story that required us to use stealth and investigate our surroundings. She created a being so horrible that even the most strong of heart would grow faint-the Fire Crows. You could not see the fire crows, they lived in the trees and would only come out when you turned your back to them. When you did turn your back to them, they would swoop down from the trees reigning fire balls down on you and would try to carry you away with their sharp talons to eat you for dinner or feed you to their young.  As we walked across the meadow toward the trees, our fear and apprehension mounted (some from the fire crow, but mostly from the knowledge that we were treading on forbidden territory). The story of the fire crows became more intense as we edged closer to the trees and the fire crows began to grow in size from a small bird to a gigantic monster. My sister became more and more animated about her story and it became very real to both of us. We teased the fire crows by turning our backs on the trees to make them appear then quickly turning to face the trees lest they fly out to get us. The story went on for what seemed like forever when suddenly, my sister starts yelling, “Run!!! The fire crows are coming!!!!” My sister has always been faster than me so I knew I was done for (not sure if I was more scared of the fire crows or of my mother for disobeying her). I made it almost back to the barn where I dissolved into a puddle of tears and snot. My mom came running out of the house to my rescue and thankfully I was not reprimanded (but my sister was!!!!!). The fire crows went back to their home in the trees and I had a glass of water. My sister, well, let’s just say she didn’t want to sit down for a while. I miss you like crazy, Dallas!

Special Needs Children

August 16, 2011 in children, Lessons with 1 Comment

My oldest, Tristan, is a handful and a half. He is 10 now, but emotionally isn’t. When he was little he was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder. Kelly, as an OT (occupational therapist), was familiar with this and worked with kids who had similar issues.

Luckily Tristan did not have it so bad that it affected his ability to function and it rarely affected school. Recently he has also exhibited traits consistent with ADHD. It is a daily struggle with him. He have our ups and we have our downs. We have learned over time techniques to use to help him be able to focus and to calm him. Sometimes they work and sometimes we fail him.

I don’t think he would be classified as “special needs”, but we know that he has special needs.

The older my kids get the more I realize that all 4 are special needs children.

What they need though is not a technique or something in a rehab room. What they need is two parents that exhibit the fruit of the spirit daily.

Galations 5:22,23 “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

I look at that list and all I can see is how much better I as a parent need to be.

I love my kids, but do I show it enough?

Through the frustration of the day is there joy?

In the chaos am I trying to create peace?

When things get difficult am I patient?

As I teach my kids to be kind to others am I doing it in with kindness?

Do I show my children how to be good to others?

Is my marriage and example of faithfulness in love?

Am I gentle in spirit and in tone?

Do I exhibit self-control or am I reactionary?

When it comes right down to it we all have children with special needs and we truly need God to not only keep sane, but to love them with everything in us. We WILL fail. Daily even, but we need to continue to pray that the Spirit of God will bear fruit in our homes.

 

 

GAVIN! You are not a dog! (The potty training Chronicles part 2)

August 16, 2011 in Lessons, potty training with 5 Comments

About a month ago i took my 3 year old to the bathroom. Of course, like I wrote yesterday, he was convinced he did not have to go and was utterly surprised to find out he indeed need to tinkle.

He finished up, fought with me to put his pants back on and then we washed his hands and I left to another room to continue things I needed to get done for the day.

About 5 minutes passed and I noticed that the little man did not come bounding out of the bathroom like he usually did.

GAH! He must be playing with the sink again!

I walked to the bathroom and turned the corner.

As I did I saw my boy lowering his face into the toilet.

I screamed “GAVIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING!”

He bolted straight up obviously shaken by my response and replied with a sad face.

“I am thirsty”

I then gave him a lecture on cups, how we humans drink these days and the fact that he is indeed a boy and not a dog (although the length of his tongue seems to say otherwise).

——-

Stay tuned for the The potty training Chronicles part 3 where there seems to be never a dull moment.

I Don’t need to go Tinkle! (The potty training Chronicles part 1)

August 15, 2011 in potty training with 4 Comments

In the future episodes of the potty training chronicles we will explore what we have learned with each kid and then possibly delve into what it is like to train our daughter in the ways of the porcelain throne. Until then let me tell you about my three year old, Gavin who has been potty trained for a long time now.

It always amazes me that kids can pee on command. Sometimes they can even do it in places or times that should never be commanded, but that is for another day. We are a very routined family. We always wake up at the same time (well before most people) and the kids go to bed well before most families do. We also have the kids use the bathroom after they wake up, before they go to bed and before any trip longer than 5 minutes. Gavin hates this! He is convinced he never has to go to the bathroom.

One day we were headed out to something. I don’t remember what we were doing (too much diet coke), but I do remember it was time for him to use the bathroom.

“Gavin… go potty.” I said

“I don’t have to go potty!” he replied.

We decided, as father and son, to repeat those two lines 4 more times and then I picked him up and brought him to the toilet.

He stood in front of the toilet and began to chant.

“Please don’t tinkle, Please don’t tinkle, Please don’t tinkle….”

He chanted and dared his body to disobey.

“Please don’t tinkle, Please don’t tinkle, Please don’t tinkle….”

and then… then he let it go and right as he went he said…

“Please don’t tink…… WWHHAATT!!! hrmph”

One of the funniest moments of that little man’s life.

stay tuned for “The potty training Chronicles part 2″

kidnapped at Old Navy?

August 3, 2011 in children, Lessons with 4 Comments

If there is anything our family is addicted to it is shopping at our favorite store, Old Navy. We love that store. We love the discounts and the crazy huge clearance rack. We think every family should dress as cool as our kids do with skulls and graphic tees. My wife Looks fantastic in Old navy clothes and the clearance rack feeds my t-shirt addiction.

There is, however one thing I can’t stand about Old Navy. I hate the way the store was designed. See the shelves and racks are make perfect hiding places for any size child. Even an adult could climb into the rack and find themselves walking through to the land of Narnia.

It never fails. Every time I go there one or more of my kids concoct a genius plan that they are going to hide in a rack. So they climb in to a rack, possibly enticed by the white witches’ Turkish delight on the other side. I turn around and they are gone!! There is honestly no worse feeling in the life of a parent than the feeling that their kid has disappeared.

I try to remain calm and call the escapee. “COLLIN!” I quietly yell.

No response. “COLLIN!!! COME HERE!!” he still doesn’t respond.

Now I have to make a decision. Do I run around freaking out and knocking things over? Do I run to the front of the store and take down anybody that looks shady? A thousand things run through my mind including the fact that I will most likely have to replace my pants after this incident.

Then I hear a giggle from the hanging plaid shorts.

I growl and tell my boy to get out of the rack. I choose to lecture him about getting lost, strangers, playing tricks on people, scaring the crap out of his parents and more. Overkill? Of course it is! I am long winded, but these days you never know what might happen and it scares me to death the idea of losing one of my kids.

I will not lose a kid to the plaid pants vortex at Old Navy!

Any parents reading this ever get a scare like that? Do you bring extra pants in the car?

Superheroes

July 27, 2011 in children, Lessons with 3 Comments

In brightest day, in darkest night,
No evil shall escape my sight
Let those who worship evil’s might,
Beware my power…Green Lantern’s light!

I have always loved super heroes. when I was little, I spent many days outside in the summer pretending I had the ability to fly, testing this theory by jumping out of a loft in our barn into a pile of hay. It never worked and I always ended on the ground,but I have never given up the dream that I would one day spontaneously take off of the ground. The other evening, it was so windy at the beach that we were able to take our towels and use them as super hero capes as they flowed behind us. My kids are as much into super heroes as Joel and I are. They are amazed that any single being could be that cool. My oldest son will frequently ask me if that could really happen (insert anything super human). Of course my answer has been no, until we watched Angel Wars. It was awesome to have my kids see something really cool and be able to tell them that yes, that really does happen. God is big and powerful and loves us so much that he has wonderful big powerful beings to help protect us. It is nice to see my kids want to have super hero powers but it is nicer to see them want to be like archangel Michael.

Every day I am challenged to help my family know that God is strong and trust in His power.  We try to have fun with super hero characters and focus on the very positive and motivating attributes, while looking at how the plans of the villains are constantly being thwarted.  My kids think God is cool and thankfully they also know that God is real power.  Praise God for giving us awesome kids!

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